Minggu, 04 Maret 2012

Journal Writing


Journal Writing Examples
My personal journal entries are here not only to help you see some journal writing examples; but also for you to know that I've been right where you are. 
They are not always upbeat; I've shared my bad times also.  But I wanted to share some of my experience with you through my REAL feelings and what I've written. 
I hope you enjoy them and find the motivation to keep moving forward like I am.  Remember that they are not checked for grammar or anything of the sort... they are journal entries, you get what you see.
April of 2008 Journal Writing Examples
04/17/2008
This would be a lot easier if kids would cooperate.  But I guess it comes with being a Mom.  (But it makes it even more important for me to be an examples for my girls.)  I actually eat a lot in response to the stresses of being a mom.  Mis behavior, or having my buttons pushed- drives me to binge- sometimes its the only way that makes me feel ok. It's comfort... or maybe more like "numbness".
Later that day...
ok so I gave in and made brownies.  The kicker is thatwhile they were cooking I must have left my bedroom dooropen!  My Niece got up to the computer and pushed a crazy amount of buttons and was talking on my fax machine headset!  I was fuming!  I set her in a timeout (kind of not nicely) and had to undo all the things she had done to my computer.  My temper flared up hardcore-- and those brownies were calling me.  So... I had a little binge. but I did stop myself before my second brownie!  A small success.
Again later that day...
-make that.... I"m not sure how many more brownies!  But thebest part is that grabbing my journal and writing is helping me use my hand for holding a pen rather than stuffing brownies in mymouth.  If I didn't have this to write in, the whole pan would be eaten!  So in a way I've had another success.





April of 2008 Journal Writing Examples
04/18/2008
Last night, Kurt and I were watching a movie and about 9:30... I really wanted a brownie warmed up with ice cream on top!  It's my favorite "feel good" food.  I asked him s he wanted any... he said, "I'd thought about it, but I'm really not hungry".  I was bummed... but I thanked him later.  It helps when I hear his reasoning for not eating sweets.  Very simply... he wasn't hungry!  I didn't follow his example and not have any.  I didn't want it for hunger... it was just to numb out.
Later....
I had to put the brownies away.  I need them out ofsight.  I've been snitching some every time I pass by.  Sometimes I feel so empty inside... and food "fills" that void.  But not today... I put them away.
Later again...
Okay... I"m really tired of playing referee!  Is it reallyinevitable that kids won't share and always want the same toy?  Ahhh....  Actually... its really not that bad.  But when my house doesn't feel peaceful I run to thekitchen.  I'm getting hungry; I think it's actually mystomach.   I just need to make the right choice...it's been so long since I've listened to my hunger cues.

April of 2008 Journal Writing Examples
04/21/2008
My husband is amazing... he has been willing to step in the "line of fire" to ask me if I"m really hungry.  Normally it's after a meal when I'm rummaging through the kitchen for something to fill my emotional void.  I'm not sure if it's bravery or stupidity... but I know he does it because he cares  and knows that I"m on my road to stop binge eating.  I love him very much. Later...
I need to slow down and enjoy my food.  I tend to eat as fast as I can.  Its almost as if I have to literally stuff all my emotions down with food.  Then when the food is gone... I don't feel satisfied because I barely even tasted the food.  Half the time I go back for more just to taste it.
That night...
I really think that journaling is helping me.  I get to sortout my feelings and why I'm eating.  But it doesn't make mewant to eat more... it's almost like a release.  It makes mefeel like I"m really changing this.  And that is a greatthing.  I just finished dinner... Kurt still isn't home... and I really wanted another roll.  Just to fill the void of being alone again!  But I pulled this out instead.  And I feel better after writing.  The rolls are sitting in front of me... But I don't feel like eating another one anymore.




April of 2008 Journal Writing Examples
04/22/2008
What a day:  I went to my Mom's house to help her pack somemore.  They're leaving for Texas on Saturday.  I'mreally gonna miss them.  Especially my weekly visits fromMom.  I'm a little drained from packing... but its nice to be able to help out.  It's amazing what service can do foryou.  I was a little too tired when I got home.   I ate two no bake cookies out of pure hunger!
Later...
I feel like this is never going to end.  I don't want food to be the center of attention!  I want to live my life... not eat my life away.
later again...
Sometimes I wish there was a "magic pill" out there to dissolve all my problems.  But the more I learn and understand, I realize that it all starts in my head.  With my thoughts.  That is what I need to change; my thoughts. 
This is what I want:
•    They are now positive and up lifting. 
•    I'm attracting friends, money, and time to become my perfect self.. to become Christlike. 
•    I love myself. 
•    I accept myself as-is. 
•    I'm happy.

April of 2008 Journal Writing Examples
04/23/2008
I'm done... I feel like giving up!  Just throwing in thetowel!  Why is this such a problem for me?  All Iwant to do is wallow in the kitchen.  Food is comforting...but after a binge I feel horrible about myself.  It's like I'm searching to fill my "void"... but nothing fills it.  I want to feel complete.

Journal Writing Examples August 2008
08/26/2008
Its easy to cycle back into old habits of binging and feelingsad.  The difference now  is that I'm aware of whatshappening.  It becomes easier to snap back out of itevery time.  Thats how I know I'm making progress. Even though I make mistakes, I now have the tools to pull myself back to "normal".  I'm very grateful for finding Tom and Jerry Fuhriman and the Power to Lose Program. 


Journal Writing Examples August 2008
08/29/2008
What a beautiful morning :)  I'm really looking forward to my day.  Its just my girls and me.  Then @nap time Kurtis coming home to pick us up and take up with him to get horses.  I'm excited for my day.
later that morning...
The walk with Sheri today was good.  It's nice to take aleisurely walk and talk with a friend.  She invited me back to her home and we played Mario cart Wii.  It's prettyneat.  All you do is push the gas button and steer thewheel.  Literally- you hold a steering wheel in you hands!  It was neat.  Elissa and I came home for asnack and to start laundry before Ashley gets out of school.  I'm enjoying one on one time with Elissa.  I can truly focus on her!  Her little personality is blooming and her smile makes my heart melt.  I feel like a very large weight has been taken off my shoulders.

Journal Writing Examples September 2008
09/01/2008
It is already September!  This year has simply flownby.  But not in a bad way- I feel as if I've made some realprogress so far this year.  I've began many permanent changes in my life.  While I have made incredible progress, I still have more to go.  I'm still binging and turning to food when I'm not hungry.  But its further and farther between now.  And it doesn't seem as drastic.  So even in regards to emotional eating; I'm doing well.  I feel as if I'm still avoiding something... and I will find it and face it!  I am choosing to create my life of joy and peace :)

Journal Writing Examples September 2008
09/22/2008
Its a beautiful day... not necessarily weather wise, but in the way I'm choosing to feel.  I remember to say my personal prayer this morning, and I think that really has helped me.  It helps to be in tune with my Heavenly Father.  There is just an indescribable comfort and peace in doing so.  I ordered another journal this morning through amazon.com.  I hope it gets here before I run out of room in this one :)  I love writing in my journal, its my way of releasing y stress and learning to love myself.





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